Officer Blorp — a confused alien cop in an oversized coral-orange uniform holding a giant stack of forms
CASE REF: BLORP-7B-SOL-001
OFFICER: BLORP
RANK: CONFUSED
BADGE NO: $BLORP
STATUS: ON DUTY
PLANET: UNKNOWN

SOMETHING
HAPPENED.

Officer Blorp has been deployed to Solana. The paperwork cleared. Sort of.

Intergalactic Precinct 7-B has confirmed the deployment of Officer Blorp onto the Solana blockchain. He filed the paperwork three times. None of them were the right form. He is on the case.

FILE ACQUISITION VIEW EVIDENCE MANIFEST
INCIDENT TYPE: UNAUTHORIZED TOKEN DEPLOYMENT (SELF-AUTHORIZED) // JURISDICTION: UNKNOWN
CASE REF: BLORP-7B-FORM-77C // OFFICER DOSSIER

OFFICER
DOSSIER
// FORM 77-C

Full name: Blorp. Species: Galactic Administrative Entity, Class 4 (contested). Rank: Officer (self-assigned, paperwork pending since 2019 — their calendar is different). Known to approach every situation with maximum official urgency and zero relevant information.

NAMEBLORP // ALIAS: THE CONFUSED ONE
RANKOFFICER (UNVERIFIED) // BADGE: $BLORP
HOME PLANETREDACTED (Blorp forgot)
CURRENT STATUSACTIVE PATROL, SOLANA CHAIN
KNOWN BEHAVIORSFiles reports, loses reports, re-files reports
THREAT LEVELNONE // CONFUSION LEVEL: MAXIMUM
Officer Blorp official profile image
CASE REF: BLORP-7B-EXHIBIT-LOG-001

EXHIBIT LOG //
THREE ITEMS RECOVERED

Items collected at the scene of the incident. Each has been tagged, numbered, and filed in the wrong cabinet. Forensics is aware.

EVIDENCE TAG 001 // SUPPLY

1,000,000,000
$BLORP

Confirmed exact, triple-counted by Blorp (he got a different number each time). Total supply fixed. Immutable. Blorp tried to change it anyway.

EVIDENCE TAG 002 // LIQUIDITY

LP TOKENS:
BURNED

LP tokens incinerated per protocol. Blorp tried to un-burn them. Could not. This is by design. He has filed a complaint with himself. It is pending review.

EVIDENCE TAG 003 // TAX STRUCTURE

0% BUY /
0% SELL

Blorp attempted to file a tax form. The form does not exist on this chain. He is still looking. Tax is zero. This is not a clerical error. He checked four times.

CASE REF: BLORP-7B-FIELD-OBS-001 // OBSERVATION LOG

FIELD OBSERVATION
REPORT

OBSERVATION 7-B-1

$BLORP is a Solana memecoin. It launched on pump.fun. Officer Blorp is the mascot, the filing system, and the primary source of confusion. There is no utility beyond the chart and the community. Blorp considers this sufficient grounds for a citation.

CASE REF: BLORP-7B-FIELD-OBS-002 // CONTINUED
OBSERVATION 7-B-2

The community assembled without a formal assembly permit. Blorp has issued a warning. The warning was ignored. Blorp considers this a successful outcome. He is not sure why.

CASE REF: BLORP-7B-SURVEILLANCE-EXHIBIT-A

SURVEILLANCE UNIT //
EXHIBIT A

ASSET: $BLORP // CHAIN: SOLANA VENUE: PUMP.FUN // PAIR: $BLORP/SOL
→ UP LAUNCH

CHART ACTIVATES AT LAUNCH

Price telemetry feed for asset BLORP-7B. Chart goes live at launch. Until then, Blorp has drawn a preliminary price prediction on a napkin. It is attached to this file. It shows only a line going up at a 90-degree angle. He is very confident.

CONTRACT ADDRESS // $BLORP CONFIRMED AT LAUNCH
SUPPLY // DECIMALS 1,000,000,000 $BLORP // DECIMALS: 6
BUY ON PUMP.FUN
CASE REF: BLORP-7B-FORM-DELTA // ASSET ACQUISITION PROCEDURE

FORM 7-B-DELTA:
ASSET ACQUISITION

Four steps. Blorp reviewed this procedure and confirmed it correct. He then filed the confirmation in the wrong folder. The steps remain correct.

SECURE A WALLET

Install Phantom or Solflare. This is the part where Blorp asks you to please use official channels. He does not know what unofficial channels look like but he is suspicious of them.

OBTAIN SOL

Fund your wallet with Solana. Buy on Coinbase, Kraken, or any exchange that will have you. Transfer to wallet. Blorp has noted this step in his report as 'the financial part.'

REPORT TO PUMP.FUN

Navigate to pump.fun and locate $BLORP by contract address. Verify the address matches. Blorp has underlined this instruction four times in his copy of the form.

EXECUTE ACQUISITION

Swap SOL for $BLORP. Confirm the transaction. You are now on the books. Blorp welcomes you to Precinct 7-B. There is no orientation. There never was.

EXECUTE ACQUISITION
CASE REF: BLORP-7B-FINAL-DISPOSITION // CASE CLOSED

CASE
CLOSED.

$BLORP has been officially logged, stamped, and deployed to the Solana blockchain via pump.fun. The file is closed. Blorp has already re-opened it to check something. He will close it again shortly.

CONTRACT ADDRESS // CLICK TO COPY CONFIRMED AT LAUNCH
BUY ON PUMP.FUN

PRECINCT 7-B // ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY NOBODY IN PARTICULAR // BLORP IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS WEBSITE OR ANYTHING ELSE

© INTERGALACTIC PRECINCT 7-B // CASE FILE: BLORP-001 // STATUS: OPEN (BLORP RE-OPENED IT)